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How to Celebrate Father's Day When You Have a Toxic Dad?


I cut *Edward out of my life two years ago; I don't call him my Dad or father anymore because it hurts too much to call him that.

This Sunday is Father's Day and unlike everyone else I won't be sharing old family photos on social media.

If I'm being honest this Sunday I will most likely cry - last year it was for an hour, I hope this year it's less.

I'll probably cry out of guilt for cutting *Edward out of life.

Or I'll cry out of anger because I never got that "heroic father figure" growing up.

I don't regret cutting out *Edward from my life - it was long overdue.

But every now and then, there are moments where I mourn the father figure I never had.

As a kid I lived in a big house, went on many overseas vacations - it was great.

But what I didn't know as a kid was that *Edward was just buying my love.

He didn't try to get to know myself or my brother; he was just there.

The only time *Edward and I really connected was when he took me for driving lessons and he would spend the drives bitching about my Mum.

As a young 16 year old I thought this must be the only way to finally connect with him if I joined in bitching about my Mum.

But then one day he told Mum everything I told him - forgetting to mention the fact that he would bitch about her too.

That was the first (and definitely not the last) time I was betrayed by *Edward.

As I reached my late teen years Mum and *Edward broke up.

When they split I found out I wasn't the only one that had been betrayed by *Edward.

He had betrayed my brother, my Mum, my Mum's family, our family friends.

For years my Mum protected him so my brother and I wouldn't see him in a negative light.

But not long after the split *Edward got himself a new family - a new partner, a new son.

I've been left heartbroken by many men in my life.

But no heartbreak could ever match the pain I felt seeing the man I used to call 'dad' be the father I always wanted him to be to someone that wasn't me.

Seeing him be that 'heroic father figure' and be called 'such a great dad,' - that ladies and gentleman is heartbreak.

I didn't cut *Edward out of my life because he had a new family.

I cut him out because he just kept betraying me, my Mum and my brother.

He made promises he would never keep.

He would take advantage of us when we were financially vulnerable.

He bragged about stealing money from his relatives and his 'new' family.

And he still had a gambling problem (or what he liked to call it "beating the system").

I've had people tell me that "family is family" and that you're supposed to always love your family.

But why should I keep someone in my life just because we share the same bloodline?

We get told to cut out toxic partners and toxic friends from our lives - so why can't we cut out toxic family members too?

My mental health is not worth keeping a toxic person in my life.

So with all that said - how will I be 'celebrating' Father's Day this weekend you may ask?

Well I won't be punishing myself if I get a little sad but I also won't be down in the dumps wasting away a good Sunday.

I'll be surrounding myself with my loved ones - my beloved partner and my two fur babies.

And I'll be thankful that I am not the position I was in 5 years ago, 10 years, 15 years ago - pretending I had a relationship with a man that was no 'father figure.'

You choose the people you want in your life.

And in this life, on this Father's Day - I won't be wasting my time with toxic people.

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